OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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