haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she peed on how many people?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
