What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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