Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
