I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
