this beer tastes like vomit already
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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