the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
