I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
