im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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