Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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