I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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