This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
