dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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