Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
