Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
