dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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