the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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