I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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