I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
