Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
