How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
home. puking in laundry basket.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
