Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
