After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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