Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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