Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
