hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
