I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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