So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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