I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
