I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
