Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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