Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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