I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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