Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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