I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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