she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
