why didn't you poke me back
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
