butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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