my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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