i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
