No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
