Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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