all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
