You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
