Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
