Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We need to get me chipped asap
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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