I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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