Jerry, you need to find god
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
