smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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