Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
