dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
